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Oh you sneaky one!

April 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Earlier today, I heard my husband exclaiming loudly in the living room. He was sorting out the music CDs and discovered that many of them had the CDs missing. The missing CDs were all tucked away in Lucas‘ room amid his other children’s DVDs.

Lucas loves music of any kind.

He’d get into the car, buckle up, and ask for the radio to be turned on (if it wasn’t already).

Home from school, straight to room and the music player comes on.

When he watches TV, it’s perpetually tuned to MTV.

When Adam Lambert performed on American Idol (S8) and now James Durbin on Season 9, he’d run out from his room, clap and dance.

He can identify the song he wants to listen to (or not) by the first few notes, and he taught himself to play the first two bars of “Happy Birthday” on the keyboard by ear.

So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of us that he would help himself to our music CDs. It’s how he does it.

Our CDs are kept in a drawer in the cabinet where the TV and other multimedia devices sit. There’s a portable fan that’s positioned in front of it. To open the drawer, you need to move the fan.

I first realised that Lucas was taking the CDs out when in the early mornings when he wakes up before we do, I could hear a slight squeak which is emitted when the fan is moved. Once I got out of bed to check, and Lucas was standing guiltily by the fan and pretending to turn on the TV! At first glance into the drawer, nothing appears missing. But I could tell when he has removed CDs by the different music he plays in his room, and also by the tell-tale signs of haphazard stacking of the covers. This doesn’t bother me; in fact I am rather pleased.

So, as my husband shook his head in resignation as he opened empty CD cover after empty CD cover (total of about 50), I couldn’t stop laughing!

Being sneaky is a high level functioning behaviour, I told him.

Anyway, we agreed to turn it into a learning task by having Lucas match CDs with their covers and returning them to the drawer. And he can do this every couple of months.

Categories: Autism, Family

It only happens during Chinese New Year!

February 8, 2011 Leave a comment

Without fail, several things will happen during and in the days leading up to Chinese New Year (CNY).

Annual food debate

All my relatives on my dad’s side of the family will meet at our family home in the morning of the first day of CNY. Every year, with the exception of 2009 & 2010*, we would serve up fried bee hoon (vermicelli), chicken curry, my mom’s fried turnip cake (on special request), and mixed soup**.

Every year, one of us would suggest that we try something new. So once Christmas of the prior year is over, we will begin discussions on what to cook for all the guests on the first day. We will toss out menu ideas, only to be shot down for various reasons.

Popiah – too messy for guests to make and it’s a dish best eaten DIY. Also, food preparation takes a lot of time.

Fried Hokkien Mee (instead of fried bee hoon) – doesn’t keep well as it gets soggy too fast. This means one of us (probably mom) would be in the kitchen throughout cooking batches.

Roast chicken/chicken wings – too western; we should have something Asian. Anyway, there’s already chicken curry.

Fried rice – too simple.

Various Chinese/Peranakan meat dishes with rice – too complicated.

… and so on. Invariably, we’d fall back on the fried bee hoon, curry chicken, turnip cake & soup, telling ourselves that we’ll do something different the NEXT year.

*In 2009, my maternal grandmother passed away shortly after X’mas, and according to Chinese customs we were not supposed to celebrate CNY that year. In 2010, my sister was too busy with her then-one-year-old, and so I made dry mee siam (Malay-style fried vermicelli) in place of the fried bee hoon which my sister traditionally makes. The mee siam was a hit but it was a lot of work too, hence only that one time.

** Mixed soup is a melting pot of all the leftover steamboat ingredients from the previous night’s reunion dinner.

Same old questions

I see many of my relatives only once a year – during CNY. Unless there’s a huge wedding or death, we rarely meet otherwise. (This is actually quite sad as we live in a small country. It doesn’t take anyone more than half-an-hour in decent traffic to drive from one corner to the other of the country.)

So, we would try and at least spend a few minutes with everyone. A typical conversation goes like this:

Them: How are you?

Me: Great, and you?

Them: Very good. Lucas is such a big boy now.

Me: Yes he is. Shot up a lot in the past year. How’s <name of child/parent/spouse>?

Them: <Name> is doing well. Are you still with Gosh?

Me: (Inwardly rolling my eyes) Oh no, I left the agency 5 years ago. (Which I’d told you every one of the last 5 times you asked me in the last 5 years.)

Them: Oh, what are you doing now?

Me: The same thing I was doing last year …

I swear I could have recorded and played back such conversations multiple times each CNY.

Ang Pow collection

No, I’m not referring to stuffing ang pows, deciding the amounts to give, nor calculating how much Lucas receives (which usually ends up almost equivalent to what I’ve doled out, so it’s almost as though the money is transfered from my bank account to his!)

I mean collecting ang pows – literally. My mom has a huge collection of different ang pow designs, amassed over decades. To help her collection, we would put aside all the unique designs we get and hand them over to add to her already impressive collection. We’d hustled with business partners, clients, suppliers and friends for those that their company produces as giveaways.

One year, I was at a mall which had a really pretty design and I’d asked the customer service person if I could have one. Unfortunately, because I didn’t spend enough money at the mall, I couldn’t get one! Damn! Very fortunately, a kind security officer overheard my conversation and took one of the ang pows which was used as a hanging decoration and gave it to me! Thank you Mr Security Officer, you had stopped me from ‘stealing’.

Playing “In Between

Funny how even though we get together as a family and with friends rather often, there’s no other better season like CNY for gambling fever to spike. We love this game as you can have as many players joining in as you’d like, bet as much or as little as you like, and get ready for a ‘heart attack’.

Without fail, everyone would throw caution to the winds when the pot gets higher. Somehow the odds between a Queen & 8 appears better than a 3 & 7 then.

I also love being seated as the next player after my dad. Amazingly, 90% of each time he gets dealt a good pair of cards, he would bet the entire pot and lose! Which means I get to possibly win the next hand BIG!

A really fun time filled with laughter, teasing, and good-natured taunts.

There are many other traditions that come with CNY, but none like these to make me look forward to the occasion. Do you have a favourite festive tradition? I’d love to hear of them!

Categories: Everything Else, Family

Love. Laugh. Listen. Three words to describe my parenting style.

February 8, 2011 Leave a comment

I first posted this on CooBabyTalk – a blog on my online store – www.coobabes.com – which I also write & edit. Thought I’d share this here as well.

February 4th, 2011

Love. Laugh. Listen.

In a recent tweet, I responded to a Parenting question to describe your parenting style in three words. My three words were: Love. Laugh. Listen.

Love.

This is almost a given. I mean, which parent, out of love, will not go out of his or her way to do what’s best, to provide the best, to make sure it’s the best for his/her child?

Recently, there was an article in the Straits Times in Singapore about how parents queued overnight to secure a place on the waiting list to enroll their pre-schoolers in a popular kindergarten. Apparently it also seems that one mother in a delivery suite even called the school to enquire about placing her about-to-be-born child on that said list.

In movies and books, we sometimes hear this phrase – a face that only a mother can love. Although meant usually to insult whoever ‘owns’ that face, it is true that to a mother, her child is the cutest, prettiest, most handsome and every other positive superlative you can imagine. Which reminds me of a Chinese proverb – “There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.”

Laugh.

We have to learn to enjoy parenthood and sometimes it means laughing off things that might otherwise upset you. You can’t fault a child for every mistake made.

Your son runs his dirty, sticky fingers through his hair? Hey, he’s just a little bloke. The dirt and grime comes off in the bath.

Your daughter raids your cosmetics and now has a clown-like face? Well, she’s just pretending to be like Mom and you know imitation is the greatest form of flattery. (It could also mean that Mom needs to touch up on her make-up application skills.)

Tearing pages off books? As long as it’s not a limited edition copy, give them unwanted magazines next time. And hey, it’s practice for scrapbooking in future.

When you laugh, your child will probably laugh with you, and who wouldn’t want a happy baby? At the end of the day, parenthood can be and is fun. How many times have your child done or said something that just made you laugh? Too many too count for most.

Listen.

Communication is two-way, and that means listening to what your child is telling (or not telling) you. Even with infants, parents can tell from the way they cry whether they need food, a diaper change, or just a good cuddle.

As babies learn to talk, it can be tough to make out their babble. Many times it is guesswork but when you listen carefully and you get it right, what a wonderful reinforcer it is.

Listening also shows you are engaged and interested in your child. All children want attention, and listening to them is a great way to give it to them and just one of the many ways to show you care.

As a parent of a non-verbal autistic teenager, listening may seem difficult but I listen with my eyes – what Lucas is trying to tell me through his gestures, his expressions, his behaviour. It’s a more active form of listening, but you hear volumes.

How would YOU describe your parenting style? I’d love to know.

~ Sharon

Categories: Autism, Coo, Family Tags: